truth

I love talking to my wise Aunt, which implies she is old and although she is no spring chicken, she isn't old per say. :)  Well we have discussed amazing topics, gay marriage, abortion, politics, religion, family dynamics, food, you name it, we've chatted about it.  And I mean for hours.  It's awesome, not because we agree on everything, in fact we often disagree, but what is awesome is that we both love that we live in truth.  She lives in hers and I live in mine and we are both navigating the world trying to figure out the best way to live and to love.  And I truly believe the number one thing that I have gained from her friendship above all else is living in truth.  It sounds all fancy doesn't it?  Like a book title.  Like a topic on Oprah.  Find your truth.  Live in your truth.  But, in reality, it's so simple.  And with all great things in life, it is those that are most simple that are the most beautiful.  Truth.  What is it?  Well, she and I have discussed that.  Is it when someone asks you if you like their new haircut and it looks like Edward Scissorhands just got done?  Is it when your child asks if you like their drawing of ummm, yeah, umm, what is that scribble, oh yeah, mommy, it's beautiful!  Is it when your parent asks you if you think they did a good job and all they could?  What about at 2 am when you lie awake thinking about something you said that just came out all wrong and may have damaged a friendship forever?  Truth.  It's tricky.

My kindergartner has taught me about the literal things in life, like "hold onto your hat!" when taking a sharp corner, doesn't mean much to him when he's not wearing one!  Well, truth is like that, it's not really literal, there are times in life when "fudging" the truth is needed, preferred and expected.  A pregnant woman needs this daily, trust me on that one.  But, the truth that I am talking about goes way deeper than it's literal meaning that can be weighed in a courtroom.  It's about your life.  Your day in and day out life.  Through the years I have had a variety of friends from all kinds of backgrounds, I like that.  I like to see the value of deep, rich friendships, a kaleidoscope of colors, I think it grounds you, teaches you to open your eyes beyond yourself.  For a period of time, I struggled with some of them, not respecting certain areas of their lives or choices and learning to navigate what that all really means in a friendship is interesting.  I mean how do you decide what makes a good friend for you?  For me it is truth.  Genuine living.  I can handle almost any type of behavior or mistake, but I can't handle someone who bull shits, or lives a life of falsity.  You know the type.  There are many.  Maybe it's the guy that seems so sweet, charming, and yet you find out they had a year long affair and destroyed his perfect family.  Maybe it's the mom that greets you with an extra wide grin and volunteers for everything and never complains, but behind closed doors is miserable and empty.  There are tons of these people, some with small lies invading their truth and others with huge concocted stories that go on for years, Bernie Madoff.  Regardless, I truly believe that it's that poison I can't deal with.  People who can't seem to look in the mirror and see themselves as they really are, sometimes it's not pretty.  And in our society so much value, emphasis, time, money and an energy is spent evading the truth, credit cards to hide debt, makeup for wrinkles, diamond rings to hide crappy marriages, it all exists and inevitably the truth comes out.  Don't get me wrong, I love shallow things.  I watch Real Housewives and Dance moms, enough said.  But, I don't try to act like a scholar and be something I am not.  I admit trash TV and I have a loving, close bond.  Is it embarrassing, sure, am I smarter than that, totally...(said with valley girl accent).   But, it's the truth ok, I like bad tv, so what?  

But, nothing gets me more in a tizzy then when I have to spend time with people who just can't come clean already, who have to put on a show, weather it be that they scoff at bad tv, or swearing or they would NEVER do that!!!!  I just don't believe it.  I just know that in the end we all have our weaknesses our shallow side, and just come clean already!  I can spot those people a mile away.  A feeling I get when I see them, like, mmm, something isn't right here.  But not always, sometimes they are those we love or want to love the most.  That's a tougher pill to swallow.  Either way, it's funny because this discussion with my aunt who stated that there are two huge things in life, truth and hope, she is so right.  And with truth there is always hope.  I mean, think about it, when someone comes to you in truth, genuinely sorry, there isn't much you can't forgive.  Leading the path to hope.

It's hard though, because sometimes, I am not the greatest person, the kindest, or most appropriate person.  I can be offensive and loud and think it's funny and someone else could be devastated by my "joke".  I wouldn't want that, wouldn't intend that, but still it can happen.  It's my favorite thing about my 30's and having children.  Letting go of so much time and energy I spent judging others, but also myself.  There is so much guilt in the world.  That we don't do enough, really too much guilt everywhere, I am sure that's true for working moms and how good we are as wives, I mean, it's tough.  To please everyone to constantly measure yourself.  But, what I am working on is just being me.  Just learning to accept that when my kid is annoying, I am going to bark at them and it may not be rosy.  When I repeat myself 100 times to put their coat or shoes on, I could be more patient, sound more loving, but ya know what? It's just not me.  And that's OK, getting to a place that you aren't 100 percent perfect, but you are 100 percent ok with that, it's nice.  It's nice to know there is always room for growth and at the same time, love yourself and realize you are doing the best you can.  Ok so now I sound like the Saturday Night Live skit, "I am good enough, blah blah blah!"

It's just interesting to me how refreshing it is to be around someone who is comfortable in their own skin, says what they need to and lives life to the fullest without regrets.  I wish more people did.  I wish more people realized how much better and more most people prefer REAL over fake!  Even if I don't particularly like the person, real is always better.

So go be honest, confess your sins, and for goodness sakes go watch Dance Mom's and leave time for a shower after! :)