when you aren't looking

You know when you wait for something, you stare at the clock, minute by minute it ticks by and time seems to drag.  Why? Because you are focused on it, waiting for it, anticipating it and in the end that makes everything, yes everything seem longer.  Then one day it happens.  Whether that's meeting the man of your dreams, seeing that plus sign on a pregnancy test, getting the job you've always wanted, whatever it may be, it happens usually when you aren't looking....when you aren't white knuckling it and sucking the very air out of the desire, when you are relaxed in a state of mind that calls for something more peaceful, it just flows.  Life has a way of doing that to all of us I think.  It teaches us that in good time, we all will get there, wherever there may be.  I find peace in knowing that, but of course there are times, that I am pushing, wanting more and wishing for different and well gnawing at that clock waiting for it to tick faster.  

So, I find it ridiculously ironic and completely comical that during Nolan's semi-annual review a few weeks back, after going through his goals and what "we" wanted to focus on for the next 6 months, I stated clearly, "I don't want to practice, go near or have anything to do with the steps."  His therapists looked rather shocked and I explained, that with a new baby coming I didn't really need Nolan climbing them anyway, as I knew it would take some time to truly trust him on there and right now I didn't want to deal with it...selfish yes, but honest and smart just the same.  So, we REMOVED the GOAL of climbing stairs from his goals.  (insert giggling here...)

I was feeling rather faint the other morning, and sat for a moment to rest my head, literally less than two minutes, and I was in the living room, Nolan was crawling around playing.  It was disturbingly quiet all of a sudden and so with what seemed like a great amount of exerted effort I looked up to see this....

I ran quickly and stealth like to get my camera and half of me wanted to immediately get behind him and make sure he didn't fall straight back, but wow, the moment it was amazing, I sent a text to Jeremy working downstairs, to run up, right away and see it, for himself.  Our boy.  Our big boy, he didn't need a therapist or a mama, he didn't need to be taught, he needed freedom and time.  Don't we all?

And you know how he got down, when I could no longer hold in my jubilation?  

Perfectly of course, landing on two flat feet and smiling from ear to ear that his mama was there to see it! What's the best thing about raising a child with special needs?  THIS moment, THESE moments, because your valleys are low, yes, but your peaks are oh so sweet.  

Tell me you don't want a boy just like mine? I dare you!  Look at him!  

And just for added incentive, I present to you evidence #2390 that Nolan is TO.DIE.FOR....

baby boy flip flops!

Yes those feet will walk, it may not be for another year, but when they do, the elation and celebration will put the 4th of July to shame.  

Nolan is starting to expand his signing, I must post a video of this, it is seriously so precious and his obsession with water and bath tubs we just had to put to good use on Mothers day and take out the kiddie pool.  Because I have the best hubby he filled it with warm water from the tap so it was like an outdoor bath and just perfect for our little man, Audrey couldn't resist to get in on the fun!

We ventured to the Shoe Zoo in Minneapolis on Monday, let's just say that it literally is a freaking ZOO and the best thing about it was the free balloon! :)

 This is how we all felt after leaving there....

I just had to include this pick of Nolan with Grammy, it is so precious.  It's been a week filled with celebrations for all sorts of things, birthdays, Mother's day and firsts, we are all so blessed.