Tuesday, November 8, 2011

throwing fruitful fits!

What's the importance of men in our lives? What's their value on our daily struggles, triumphs and challenges? I often find myself in the throws of anger or irritation with my husband and chatting with my friends about this topic, men....they can be pains in the you know what! Then I find myself longingly understanding the point of sister wives (you know that show on TLC about polygamy, ok maybe you don't!) Anyway, call me crazy, but I get it! I think it would be AWESOME to have other women who helped with me chores, emotional breakdowns, were there when I was sick, could help my kid out when I felt helpless, women, we have this ability don't we? To understand each other. To know when one of us needs a meal, a hug, a drink, a day of shopping, to tell us we are beautiful with our muffin tops and all. Don't get me wrong, we can equally tear each other to shreds and spread jealousy faster than forest fires. But, we get it, this journey of motherhood and we are there for each other. But, men, well, sometimes they just don't. They look at us as if we have two heads, three eyes and wonder what planet we landed from. This doesn't help. At. All. But, it's true, we are crazy and yes I mean the head spinning kind of crazy, from time to time and they tolerate a lot, our men.

So, Graham, our 5 year old was up to his more "occasional" antics, improved from "frequent" about a year ago! Anyway, he was up to them this weekend and I just didn't know what to do! My wise and totally amazing aunt gave me some wisdom about 2 weeks ago and well I decided to take it! She said and I am paraphrasing, "sometimes kids are kids and just need to work their stuff out, it isn't about how or what you do to handle it, they need to go through it." She also said, "Children need their dad, that masculine energy that only men can give and you need to step back and let him be a man." I thought about these statement and being the control freak that I am, I had to find a "controlled" time to well, give it all up and say, "go for it!"

So, after our son, who I tend to sell short, because honestly he is an amazingly loving, gentle sweet boy, but really what fun is that too share? LOL....just kidding (about the sharing not him)! Anyway, he was in his mode. Where he can't gain control, screams at the top of his lungs, nasty things, awful things, things you shut your windows for so your neighbors don't judge you....like "icky mama" "poopy mama" "I hate you mama". Yep, lovely right, but listen he's 5, imagine what he can come up with when he's 15, his vocabulary will shock us all I am sure. So, we proceed to calmly and reactionless place him in his room and say when you are calm you may come out. Well, this didn't turn out so well, he began chucking plastic fruit from the play kitchen in the room at the door, bang, goes the tomato....ouch said the turkey...noooo screamed the plastic watermelon, but we looked at each other and said, wth....what is left? This is behavior he completely reserves for us, isn't that sweet? He loves to shower us with special antics! His behavior apart from us is well, PERFECT! So, it is mind numbing why he decides on a perfectly happy, functioning Saturday to lose it. Trust me, with my freakish analytical mind, I wonder, WTH??? And I go there, thinking it is me being to controlling, not giving him enough choices, telling him no to often, to the other spectrum of he is soooooo spoiled, he gets way too much and has no idea of what real suffering is, ummm trust me I have considered having him experience this, but hitting or spanking kids just isn't for us, so tempting though! And after having a child like this, I place no judgment on those that do choose to spank. So, after we have gone through a laundry list of ways to curve this behavior, all that included, star charts, rewarding good behavior, earning toys, taking toys away for a WEEK! Taking away his lovey, you name it, we have taken it, all of his pirate belongings, blah blah blah. Until finally about 1 month ago, I took away the ultimate of all ultimate's, time with his Grandpa Goose. I know you are gasping, how awful, how could I? But you know what? When your kid is acting like a little brat and taking advantage of all things that seem to be heavenly and wonderful, you dig deep. And my dad was taking the kids to the apple orchard and pony rides, hay rides and well, Graham had thrown things, called names and I thought, that's it, you aren't going, your sister is going to go alone. And let me tell you it was torture.... FOR US!!!! That's the truth, right? punishments at any age, really hurt no one more than the parents!!! So, he watched her go and giddily waived goodbye to his favorite person on the planet, my dad, and said, 'I am going to have a great time here.' He proceeded to play on his own and do chores that we asked of him and smile all day, telling us, "this is the best day!" Listen this kid is good. He's smart. Wicked smart. So, that was it for me. I reached my bottom barrel, thinking I surely scarred him for life that he missed a day of fun with his favorite person, but nope, he acted like he couldn't have cared less. Did this stop the meltdowns, well of course not. That would be too easy.

So, wow, that was a tangent....fast forward to this past weekend and he was up to his antics as I described the injured food being chucked against the door. The terrible words being spewed and then I did it. Jeremy looked at me and was like, wth? What do you think? I said, "babe, I have no idea what to do, I think whatever you come up with is good with me and you go, go for it." It was nice. That moment that he looked at me as if my head stopped spinning, one of my three eyes disappeared and he thought I was human again. He was like, "all right". I had NO idea what he was going to do...none! So, I heard some commotion, and then things quiet down, I walked by Graham's room and saw the door shut with silence. I heard Jeremy go back downstairs and thought, huh, maybe he is going to leave him in there for a really long time or something, time kept ticking and ticking and this is what he came out with 40 minutes later....

Priceless isn't it? My husband, who knew he was a flipping genius? Really though, I mean, I thought the whole page of writing the sentence "I am sorry. I love mom and dad.", was a little much for a 5 year old. But, that's not the point. On the spot when presented with the problem, this man that I often give not enough credit to, well he pulled it off, hit it out of the park. And it worked, ok so it's only been 4 days, but 4 days of no meltdowns and screaming and knowing daddy don't mess around. More importantly faith was renewed in my husband and I know he was renewed by me believing in him. The little things right?

1 comment:

Come on- spill it, share it, scream it, shout it, I want to hear it...really!